How to
Have an Orgasm
by Claire Cavanah
Science tells us that
orgasms are the involuntary muscle spasms that
come with the release of sexual tension. This
stark definition does not even hint at the
variety of orgasmic experiences available to the
willing pleasure seeker. With a little
persistence and a lot of openness, each of us
can tap into our own orgasmic potential.
Orgasms range in intensity from
a sweet ripple of pleasure around the genitals
to a roaring, curling wave of energy through the
entire body. Every orgasm is a duet of tension
and relaxation: a combination of striving and
letting go, of making it happen and letting it
happen.
Many women have trouble
achieving orgasm, or are unsure whether they
have orgasms. If you have never had an orgasm,
or want to experience stronger orgasms, here are
a few suggestions to get you started.
-
Get to
know your genitals!
Looking at and developing an appreciation of
one's own pussy can help liberate us from
sexual shame. To identify an orgasm, get to
know those muscles! Flex your
PC muscles
by pretending to stop the flow of urine. You
are tightening and releasing the same
muscles that involuntarily contract and
release when you come.
-
Prioritize
your own self-pleasure.
Set aside time to masturbate on a regular
basis. No one can do this for you!
Masturbating teaches us how we like to be
touched and what gets our juices flowing,
whether it leads to orgasm or not.
Practicing getting aroused is the surest way
to learn techniques that can help break new
sexual ground, both alone and with a
partner. Masturbating builds sexual
confidence.
-
Relax.
Overall relaxation helps in the
beginning--you are looking to build up
sexual tension, so set aside the tensions of
daily life. Banish thoughts about the dishes
in the sink or how your mutual funds tanked
last year. Take a warm bath, or do whatever
you need to do to feel completely at ease.
This will help you be present in your body
and attentive to its responses.
-
Try masturbating at
different times of the day.
If you try coming only at night, after a
long, stressful day and two stiff drinks,
you are less likely to get to know the
nuances of your desires.
-
Get turned on!
Explore your erotic mind by reading sexy
fiction, watching explicit movies or writing
a fantasy of your own. Ask yourself, "What
makes me wet?" Revel and indulge in the
answer.
-
Experiment.
Try rubbing your
clit
using different motions: stop and start,
left and right, around the clock. Pay
attention to what feels good and do more of
that.
-
Breathe.
Take deep breaths so you can move the sexual
energy throughout your body. You can also
help further your arousal by breathing
deeply, rather than holding your breath as
you get closer to coming.
-
Add a
vibrator.
Sometimes a vibrator can carry on where a
tired hand or tongue cannot. The steady buzz
of a good vibrator on or around the clitoris
can solve one common problem--insufficient
clitoral stimulation. The
Hitachi Magic Wand
and
Waterdancer Vibe
are two top recommendations.
-
Make noise.
Don't be afraid to move, rock, grunt,
scream, and cry during sex. You are seeking
total release, so get used to reactions you
might have when you lose control. Be silly!
Be loud! Let yourself go.
-
Tease yourself.
When you hit a plateau of sexual tension,
back away from it, breathe deeply, then
start again. The sexual energy can build in
cycles, each more intense than the last.
Take your time and remember to keep
breathing. Consistent, deep breathing helps
with relaxation--holding your breath can
forestall coming.
Orgasms: You Deserve Many
Sex negativity in
our culture, especially toward women, can
inhibit our growth as sexual beings and our
understanding of our own sexual response.
Fortunately, we have the freedom to question
what we have been taught about sex, and to heal
the wounds we uncover as we explore our desires.
There are lots of places to go for encouragement
on the road to sexual fulfillment. Betty
Dodson's original masturbation manifesto
Sex For One continues
to school women in sexual self-awareness and
satisfaction, as does her documentary video,
Celebrating Orgasm.
Our own guide
Sex Toys 101
can help you lead you to orgasmic bliss with the
help of a sex toy. When we choose to open up to
our own sexality throughout our lives, there is
no limit to the growth we can experience and the
pleasure we can find.
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