How to Talk Dirty
Talking dirty is one of our favorite
topics here at TALAINA’S TREASURES. Don’t be
fooled into thinking that dirty talking is just
repeating certain “nasty” words and phrases. You
are not cursing. In the hands of a thoughtful
lover, hot talk is elevated to an art form. Not
only can talking dirty heat up your love life,
it can open up avenues of communication about
sex in your relationship. And hot talk is an
unsurpassed tool to help you explore fantasies
through the power of imagination.
One of the hardest parts of becoming a skilled dirty-talker
is finding a vocabulary that seems right to you.
“Cock” or “Dick” or “Penis?" “Pussy” or “Cunt”
or “Vulva?" Or are you looking for different
words altogether? Most people find that some
words make them hot, while others make them
laugh, and others leave them cold. Start
thinking about the sexy words that get your
engines revving. And start putting those words
to use! One of the best tips for getting started
is to describe what’s happening when you’re
having sex and how you feel about it.
Talk about Sex.
Period. If you and your partner haven’t already cultivated
communication about sex in your relationship, it
will be more challenging to dip your toes into
the world of dirty talk. If you have trouble
talking about sex in general, dirty talk may not
seem like an exciting idea at all. If this is
the case, hot talk should be only one part of
your developing repertoire for communicating
about sex.
Talk about Sex Outside the Bedroom.
As you explore dirty talk, you should also be
building other ways of talking to your partner
about sex outside of the act itself. Our
favorite tool for couples' communication is the
sex date. Treat yourselves to a fabulous night
out and have a chat about your sex life,
especially the things you like about it and the
things you’d like to try in the future. Outside
of your relationship with your partner, it makes
a revolutionary difference in both your
day-to-day and your sex life to have a community
of friends in which it’s perfectly normal to
talk about sex.
Practice, Practice.
If even the thought of whispering nasty secrets in your lover’s ear
makes you squeamish, learning to talk dirty may
take some extra dedication and practice. Many
people feel uncomfortable when they first begin
to hone their dirty-talking skills. Be assured
that the more practice you get, the more
comfortable you’ll feel. Carol Queen’s book
Exhibitionism for the
Shy
is a fabulous resource for people who aspire to
all sorts of sexy skills, and it’s chock-full of
exercises to get you started off on the right
foot. You may need to work on your vocabulary by
practicing aloud to yourself. You can make the
practice even more fun if you talk to yourself
while you masturbate. Or maybe you should start
out by writing hot notes to your sweetie rather
than speaking aloud.
Shape your Style.
The best dirty talkers convey their needs and
desires in a way that feels genuine to them.
Finding a vocabulary is the first step on the
path to finding your style as a dirty talker.
There are as many different ways to talk dirty
as there are people in the world. And your style
can change according to how you’re feeling that
day, or depending on your partner, or what
particular erotic scene you're crafting. Hot
talk can be sweet, sassy, teasing, nasty,
commanding, silly, enthusiastic, gentle,
dominating, or loving. Find the words, phrases
and attitude that feel right to you!
Research.
Dirty talking is a two-way street. It’s
important to take into consideration your
partner’s preferences for words and phrases as
well as your own. To be a great dirty talker,
you need to know your partner’s hot spots. Words
that might be offensive to one person will be
right on the money for getting someone else’s
juices flowing. It’s the difference between
calling someone your “sweetheart” or your “sweet
little cocksucker.” You can start sharing your
fantasies by taking turns telling each other hot
stories. Or even writing each other sexy notes.
One of the easiest ways to delve into your
fantasy life is to share erotica that you enjoy
with your partner, and tell them what makes it
hot for you. Or watch a porn video together and
talk about what you do or don't like about the
verbal repartee.
Surprise!
Hot talk is a great sexy tool because it’s so portable. You can
take it anywhere with you as long as you’re
discreet! Take advantage of a crowded restaurant
or bar, a quick private trip in an elevator, or
a short talk on the phone to unleash some sexy
words on your unsuspecting honey. And expect to
be rewarded with some hot sex by the time you
make it home.
Role Play. Role playing is an extension of dirty talk that can be more
in-depth and detailed. You can even include bits
of costumes as you act out the roles in your
favorite fantasies. Using dirty talk, you and
your partner can imagine yourselves in dozens of
sexy situations just through the power of words.
It’s an especially
great way to explore and share fantasies you’ve
always had but might not want to act out in real
life.
Accessorize. Having props around can help you get into a role-play, or simply
give you something to focus on while you're
talking. Put a blindfold on your partner, and
then tease your partner with descriptions of
what you're going to do with that
edible gel,
that paddle, that sexy cock ring, or a new
vibrator. One special vibrator is made for sexy
talkers: the Audi-oh. The vibrator
(a butterfly strap-on style) responds to vocal
or musical input—so you can literally get your
lover off with the sound of your own voice.
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